Friday, May 3, 2013

incorrigibly old

I look in the mirror and try to laugh; lately, I sob. What is going to happen with this face nags at me. I can understand how Walter's mother shot herself at menopause looking into her vanity mirror! I thought I was not particularly vain, ok with my wrinkles and age spotted skin. But the notion that if the pathology report on this latest biopsy proves dangerously approaching melanoma, I may lose a swatch of skin at my temple, near my eye, defeats me. Can I choose to leave it as is? Can I find a surgeon I can trust to not leave me with a dent in my face? And  can I live with the horror that this would be the 4th melanoma issue.

 And today is cool, tonight maybe 39 degrees; and tomorrow cooler - 61. 

May begun with rain and cold
and fifth biopsy of my skin.
Its been 5 days, 2 more to go
waiting for results. I have the scars
to show why fear chats between my ears.

or today this poem:

My face wears a bore hole at the temple, I
scare at the pain at cheek bone. What sutures
will tug at the skin on the rightside, while the left
side wrinkles and spots in age?
Balance me
Balance me, please!

Thank goodness this afternoon I'm off to Giles for practice of Loose Threads,
then dinner at Palisades. While over the Atlantic flies my son, his wife and their beautiful child in a "dream liner" bound for Ethiopia.

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