leaving on a jet plane..

Below sea level

step on a crack, break your mother's back

I walk carefully to Dr. Thompson's office

in an ugly one story building

with a garage that flooded in the least New Orleans deluge

my mind fixed on a boy friend who lived nearby,

not on talking to a psychiatrist.

My mother catching me before I left,

wanting to know what I talked about;

I didn't tell her that the subject was her.

There was aching demanding silence

in his office filled with books,

I made up dreams to fill the space

that moaned inside. I know I lied

and tried hard not to say, fucking shit

or that I wished to die.

4/4/14

mhnorth

wanting to post something before I left! Had a wonderful day with rain storms and soccer between; for once I tied P. at soccer on the front lawn! Played so hard I fell on top of her - well, caught myself - but barely. flying to the Gulf coast to drive with good old friend to Houston to baby sit Fia while her parents take their first trip alone since her birth. When I began to pack, my dog, mr. lee, turned his eyes big and cruel with anticipated sorrow at me - it's hard enough to leave the spring hollow with out that look. I'm old and attached and comfortable, it is just such an effort! 

summoning the last year of my 60s

OK, I suppose I am ready for this; a friend is telling people she's 70 before she's 68 - I thought of that. Decided to wait it out. The most challenging part of my 60s so far has been combating my urge to stay home and forgo travel. That and figuring out what to wear, or what you can wear, or how to abort the urge to dress in dots and stripes like my grand-daughter who has by far the most fun wardrobe of anyone. Come to think of it there are other challenges, such as deciding on a new computer - the decision  is made more difficult because the longer one waits the better the technology. Why decide? Well, because I want to preempt the possible slow down of my present model (don't want to jinx anything).
Several people have told me that coffee has been shown to stop the growth of melanomas; one person, with a PHD in biology, claims that can't be decaffeinated. So I made an espresso this morning - got a lot of work done in the garden! Even sanded and painted two metal deck tables I've meant to get to for a year!  Pruned the red buds, weeded - spread hay in the garden between the beds. Even found a dress that i could wear to Trinidad wedding if I can't find something new - that was a desperate matter. There should be a loan-outfit-for-wedding shop - especially for over 50 year olds.

  

They're back!

Making joyful the hollow! Thanks to Big Sister's help, she and T. visit together a couple of mornings during the week - let their parents get some work done. Winter has lost its vise on my spirit. Buds ache on the limbs. The house is surrounded with daffodils - daffodils in vases along the window sills by the sink.