I remember my sister and I coming home from school one afternoon to find my mother on our porch trying to fire the house cleaner, the vacuum cleaner between them. The woman whom we had never seen before as this was her first and last day, was not leaving easily - she wanted another day. My mother couldn't seem to get it across that she didn't have the energy or inclination (my mother soon after the birth of our brother developed pericarditis and was not supposed to be out of the bed) to train someone to use the vacuum, let alone anything else. It was a stand off which resolved soon after the two women took note of the two teenagers coming up the front steps.
I have, no doubt, inherited my mother's difficulty. I know other women who share this handicap. I know someone who says that it is particular to southern women, who avoid confrontation. She feels that it is dishonest and inauthentic. I think she has a point. However, relationships are way more intricate than vacuum cleaners. Although, there are relationships which can suck energy from one. And that is the way I was feeling about a certain relationship which I managed to take an hiatus from yesterday. I just finally realized that I didn't have the energy to be with the person - maybe it is the cancer thing.