Saturday, July 16, 2011

cool days in July

Cool, almost chilly, and a bit of rain - Pearl and I played inside almost all morning and Mr. Lee got a bath. Kind of a spoiler this weather as the 90's are due to return next week, but not to enjoy would be insanity, impossible I think.
Straining at the keys, some restlessness tugs at me to move; but I'd like to wrestle longer with this page. After all my last post was fairly strong. I don't seem to be so "bothered" now. I seem to be sliding into the denial pool of living, adding more tumeric to my diet, keeping up qigong, but not overly concerned with skin. Well, this is dishonest; I am worried about my skin enough that I am avoiding sun in the hot afternoon. And I'm looking for a UV protective shirt after returning one from LL Bean, knowing that I'd rather stay inside than wear it out.
The topic which creeps into my mind is, cancer happens so damn fast. Well, the cancer probably didn't happen so fast in my body, but the discovery and consequences happened way quick. Too speedy for my assessment emotionally. I mean I was just learning to live with my "shark bite" scar when at the first 3 month check up they do another biopsy which a few days later is said to be another melanoma! This one fell heavily. I tried to hang onto the good news that it was "insitu" which did carry me far. In fact, if I hadn't been visited by my old friend (known each other since 6th grade), I might have keep my delusional mask on tight. Well, her visit and the near catastrophe of the garden tour pulled down my facade. I had cancer. It has been removed. But now I have to be checked again and again. It is rare the dermatologist says to have two melanomas, and very rare to have three. I'm rare enough. I'll bask in the three month hiatus from full body check! I'll let myself stress out every third month! I'll look into the vacation suggestion Ezra gave me.

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