Monday, February 25, 2013

Lonely duck?

No question I am anthropomorphizing, but ducky-san was all a quack this morning when Mr Lee and I came up the mosaic steps.  She does seem to anticipate our daily visits. She preens in the pond, rises up and flaps her wings, tilts her head and peers at me. I quack back. I tell her that her family will soon be home, that the chickens will be returned to their yard. I fill two of the bird feeders to encourage the chickadees, finches and doves to keep her company. And I leave. Mojo had run off to, I assume, some caucus he has discovered and missed our trek. Later the dogs and I can hike to the mailbox. All day I will query the skies, hoping for rain and not ice.

And my thoughts will return to the subject of friendship. I think good friendship thrives when each person accepts the other as he is, tries not to change him. Something that I have found by experience to be a problem in close relationships; he drinks, he will drink - you can't change that. Nor can you change the wiles of bi-polar. Not that I even stayed around to try that. But I have screwed up thinking a partner might, when confronted with a "death sentence" try to be healthy. No. We both attempted to change the other, or persuade (poorly) the other to adapt to our needs. But I'm aware of this fault, I think. I'm redoing a phone conversation and not understanding what happened so fast to turn it so sour. It wasn't a good time for me to talk. I like emailing too, she doesn't. We just miss being friends some how. Why I can't grasp - too much distance, and I'm not enjoying time with her? Intractable differences...I don't meet the expectations of the other; I don't know what they are? It all seems way too intense to me. And I'm not as lonely as the survivor duck.
 

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